Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Explains Why Most Handrail Skaters Are Idiots and Most Coveted Women Are Always With Idiots


If women were a skateboarding obstacle, they would no doubt be a handrail.

If Sigourney was a handrail, Jason always figured that she would be that one really steep, silver rail in Australia- the one that Dustin Dollin kick flipped back fiftied.

For starters, rail seems almost unapproachable.

The only ways you can hit it are by:

a) Warming up by practicing jumping/ollieing down the story high flight of stairs that the rail lives on.

1.This can work because it allows the skater to get warmed up and lets them work up enough courage to pounce and then lock in! This strategy though ,is kinda pussy and is sometimes proven ineffective as some skaters must know: Jumping down stairs and sliding down a rail are two entirely different acts (sliding down a handrail is easier and scarier whereas ollieing the stairs is harder yet less scary). The more you jump down the stairs in front of the handrail, the more bummed the handrail gets and once your board finally touches the handrail you're sure gonna now feel how bummed you both are!

The other way to appraoch the rail is:

b) Rolling up first try and jumping in the middle of it and locking down first try .

2. This really is the way one should do it. Takes more balls and also works out better if you're kinda a dumb ass. (which explains why most handrail skaters are idiots and most coveted women are always with idiots.)

To think:the rail in Australia doesn't come to you- you go to it!

But you must know, almost anything going down that rail must look really good!

Something as simple a backside nose stall slide could still look fantastic on it.

Most likely you would make plans to Travel to Australia. But once by the time you take your flight, check in your bags at the hotel, find a kid or sk8 shop that knows where the rail is- once you finally get there, you're gonna walk up to the handrail and probably see some local big shot working on his agenda. You may see him trying cheesy stuff like back blunt bigspin out or krooks to back lip. Then you're just gonna be bummed and "over it" and decide not to get any clips at all on the trip (whats the point anyways?) and you realize you've spend all your per deim money on electronic charger converters, overpriced cocktails, koala petting zoos that you didn't even have fun at and long distance phone call charges.

Some pros would make a living off that rail, but Jason would unfortunately never touch it.

Besides, Jason couldn't even skate rails that well- he would always over think it.

The last rail Jason messed around with was some low stakes rail at the local public park. It might have been fun, but Jason really didn't care any of the times he rolled away - it wasn't all too invigorating and yet still could have been dangerous.


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Houston, Texas
Be kind, because everyone you'll ever meet is fighting a hard battle.